Golden haze.

i have decided to leave this blog because i guess here is really memories. Goodbye eminentpeak :) Forifymyheart, :)

Posting since im gonna run after a break. Well, I've started studying for prelim since is nearing each day. However, it wasnt entirely done yet . Furthermore, study program have stopped. It can be a good and bad thing. Got to train on discipline to study (Y). Oh anyway, last saturday, went to celebrate my niece birthday ! Happy 5th birthday, babygirl ! :D Adorable much, i got to take pictures with her and bought her a big softtoy which i think is about her height ! hahahah! she had a hard time carrying it back :D Anyway, i got to go. Tomorrow have chemistry test so i guess, most probably after a run, i will chiong chemistry :D And i do love my company now. :) & Nim & Eika (L)

Lately, school is really long hours and im always sleep deprived. Weekends, i spent most of the time studying . Is really productive . Maybe i will not be posting much till Prelim end and i've lost readers. But i think this is meant for me to remember what's life like ^^. And i officially say, i've let go stuffs :) Nim , Martin and Eika would know ! Well, is a good thing for me now. Im happier in a way, no longer a SLAVE ! Few pictures of crazy moments after studying . More at facebook and Henny's phone !

Are you too scare or what . I don't give a fuck what day it is . You see mine , wow , can . Me ? Fuck no to me . How great -'-

Im kinda bored. So, i just found this on tumblr and decided to do :D. Title: Ask and i will answer honestly completely. 1. the person i like and why i like them. (Exclude parent) - Boyfriend: Despite all the ups and downs recently but he didnt give up and continue this relationship and i guess is more than like :) - Eika&Nim: They are the ones who showed me true friends/BFF. :) They see my tears when im smiling :) - JiroWang and AaronYan: They are just hot idols ! LOL. 2. a famous person i’ve been compared to. - NIL. 3. 5 things that irritate me about the same sex/opposite sex. - Total Betrayer/Liar. - Not replying texts. - 4. the best thing that has happened to me this week. - Hmm. I think is Shock of my level ranking :) Is better than i expected. LOL. 5. weird things i do when i’m alone. - I cant think of any. REALLY. 6. how i’d spend ten thousand bucks. - Shopping , Buy cameras and spend on the ones i love. Then save, x: 7. things i like and things i don’t like about the way i l...

After completing most of the work. Left with: 1) 1, 2 Physic paper 2. 2) Amaths TYS (Optional). 3) History Inference (If not done). 4) Biology w/s. Wait so few. Nevermind, i will add on if there's any. Fewer= more time more revision.

School officially ended. Now, i really wanna make full use of this holiday and spend it fruitfully . Have to start revision and at the same time take a break . Is time to meet my baby, bbg and others. Not forgetting, dramas. :D Okay, but thats not the main . I NEED TO MEET MY DAD AND SPEND TIME WITH MUMMY! I swear, i've not been spending time with them. Especially my dad. :( I miss my daddy. ! 1 reason because im afraid my mood affects me since im quite down this days. But now, i will wanna mend everything to them (L) Nonetheless, someone brighten my day ! im gonna go rounding next week :D And 2 weeks later, disaster will be back :D So i have to enjoy too :( Imma nerd now :p LOL. Off to idol-ism :p

To actually think about life now, i could say im already taking a step back . I dont understand why at all. Why always when im giving myself a chance, things just dont turn out smoothly. Instead, it just drive me even crazier. So, this affected me, that affected me, soon it'll just make me collapse. Anyway, im getting my hands out of everything. My mother just love asking me:" is this the life you want?" Well, i've to always admit, " at first yah, apparently, screwed" Okay anyway, i've been getting movies and idols show to keep my mind occupied and schoolwork. Because i cant be always holding on to problems and thinking it'll change in one night. So, now, chances only come once or maybe twice, take it or leave it. Sometimes, i dont know what am i struggling about either. Oh , and after watching few shows, im gonna say this: DansonTang, JiroWang and Aaron Yan are awesome.

Is last day of May and im really sure that i've already lost my focus during this period. I ruined my studies, my life. Whatever, Anti social ? I.Dont.Give.A.Damn. Problems, one after another. I had enough . Now i know, i really know what am i to people. Those who care they do, those who dont, leave me alone. I know what i really need now. I dont care what will be the next problem coming up but im prepared for the worse. Yah, life is unpredictable. So depressing when i got my results. I need to buck up during june. I cant let problems to distract me anymore. True enough, when im troubled by problems, depressed by it, i cant do anything. All my mind was flooded by it. Now, i dont want to get my report book. I really dont want to. Last day of may, new start of June. I need to make a better start. Dear problems, Mind giving me a break till Olevel? I cant handle it anymore. I've been undergoing FUCKING MUCH PROBLEMS for 1,2,3,4,5 weeks? Is painful. I need a life of my own :( Anyway...

This term, my exams will not do well im pretty sure. /: I cant deny i've so much things to say yet i dont know where to start. All i know was, im afraid, im just too scared. I wish life hasnt been so sophiscated at times and i didnt wanna blame life, fate. Because, im sure out there , there are more people having worse situation than i do. And this keeps me inspired and be strong till now regardless of any circumstances. Till now, every single day. I have to admit, i didnt have any courage or maybe i lost it.. I hope things will go back to how it was - Night calls, texts, disturb and how much you once care.. Despite all these, i will wanna tell you these even though you may not see this: I want to be your eyes when you're blind, I want to be your ears when you're deaf, I want to be your bones when you cant move, I want to be the one you run to when you need someone, i want to be the one you see everytime you open your eyes, i want to be the one to go through obstacles with ...

I think this whole weekend is so unproductive but at least i studied alittle. Sunday, tuition and i guess is fun with Eika and Cheryl after tuition ! yesterday study with WL and Zb. Not that bad, manage to do some work before i got home. And saturday was the best day in the month I guess . After so much ups and downs , I finally had a chillout . My mother , my pillar (L) I met baby as well ! Then mummy , karine , baby and others were at VS till late then baby sent me back . Love him much ! :D The whole april is a disaster but I made it through :) I really love all the ones who had been there for me and care for me . And those who make me laugh whenever I'm down ! :) Now, i'm still standing firm and strong because everything i been through just make me stronger.\\ And rubbish, i think because of the starbucks and Pastry yesterday, i feeling quite sick. I shall not eat those anymore. Now i hope i would not fall sick ! :(

Sometimes is so funny when someone you expect to actually go through and pull you up when you fall but instead , they just let you be as though you're nothing . Thanks Dawn for meeting me .. Really , thanks a lot . And martin who got so worried .. And I think I don't wanna say more here so bye .

LOOK AT YOUR REFELCTION = ANSWER WHORE. MAY KARMA FALL .

I cant believe what you actually said, girl.. I dont hate you, im just disappointed. Somehow, i think is so immature. For all this while, i cant believe my eyes and ears.. I've so much to say and i dontknow who to confide beside myself. Even there is, the person probably didnt remember that i want to say. I think i dump alot things in my private blog becaue i seriously dont know how to open my mouth and pour my feeings, is weird. Those who feel me, they will know how i feel but those couldnt feel me, they never will. I cant believe i broke down in school either.. Weird isnt it? I just didnt like April at all.. 我想要说得实在太多了. Study programme on thursday.

I've tried but all the depressing problems never fail to make me go nuts, regardless of studies or anything. It seems that i've lost my sense of feeling. This feeling is an excruciating pain - an undescribable feeling. I dont know what to say anymore.. I just know, I'm scare of giving up and yet, I'm scare things will be worse than i thought. I've made mistakes in the past and i dont want same history to repeat - is too painful to be felt. The fear that i have now, is more than numbers could count. I have never felt this fear for so long and i'm encountering it now.. Is so much of a nightmare that i dreamt once - worse than horror nightmares. I wish i would sleep it away to slip the nightmares away. i really hope i could, but i know , never it will be possible.. I've to accept this: Life is never fair. I've to put both hands up and agree to it now..

Just post for the sake of posting. I don't know express things at times . Even how much I joke or laugh at certain issue , it does not mean my heart thinks the same way . It may be just hidden beneath my actions . In other words , I may be constantly thinking about it , worrying about it or even , feeling uncomfortable about it without anyone knowing . A little hectic life now . Kinda screwed up feelings and I think twitter make me even more paranoid since I can see things with my own eyes - clear picture . But I still love twitter . Sometimes is disappointing but it can be a fact that I have to believe . I've lesser time to blog now but I'm way active at twitter . Follow me or readers got to be patient and wait for a new post .

Okay since im taking a break and im kinda bored, i shall post 100 facts about me which i wanna do in twitter. Sadly, too lazy x: so, i will do it at one goal ;) #100factsaboutme 1. i hate snails (SUPER+EXTREMELY+DUPER) 2. i love colors, it brightens my day. 3. i am sensitive , very. 4. i love doraemon, a chubby cute blue thing :B 5. i am a fan of Jaychou, (Y) 6. But i love my boyfriend more. 7. My mother is my pillar :p 8. My father is a noble man, i love this man too. 9. I have a dog, rabbit, tortise. 10. Obviously, imma an animal lover. 11. I love Regina, my dear sister ! 12. Im impulsive at times. 13. I need to buck up in studies. 14. I love my cca, but stand down :( (floorball). 15. I cant wait for Os to end. 16. I wanna be a nutritionist. :p 17. I love to draw, color :P 18. i love surprises. 19. i love R&B, or maybe most of the music. 20. I love cameras, beautiful + cute. 21. I love to take pictures too ! 22. I love my babygalz and my BBapple girls. 23. ShinChan is awesome idi...

I think this week i'm quite productive because i manage to finish all my work before thursday which is what i aimed to do. But still, i dont understand what's the point of elearning because i know, i cant focus well on computer. I just hate using my computer to do school work. I rather stay in class to study but that's my own perspective. All the elearning work, i view lessons but i didnt really understand and i ended up reading textbook. So, in conclusion, it is super ineffective. (N) Since im quite free now, i shall post about this whole week :D Monday, 14th, i woke up at 11 and i start to prepare . Head down to bmc to meet my mother but meanwhile, i went to the library, develop pictures and went to wait for my mother. Went to lavender to get my passport done . I swear, its killing me. i waited for freaking long and i could even read half of my book. And they make my mother starve !! After doing, we went tiongbahru and eat dinner. Once i reached home, i did all the elearn...