Golden haze.

To actually think about life now, i could say im already taking a step back . I dont understand why at all. Why always when im giving myself a chance, things just dont turn out smoothly. Instead, it just drive me even crazier. So, this affected me, that affected me, soon it'll just make me collapse. Anyway, im getting my hands out of everything. My mother just love asking me:" is this the life you want?" Well, i've to always admit, " at first yah, apparently, screwed" Okay anyway, i've been getting movies and idols show to keep my mind occupied and schoolwork. Because i cant be always holding on to problems and thinking it'll change in one night. So, now, chances only come once or maybe twice, take it or leave it. Sometimes, i dont know what am i struggling about either. Oh , and after watching few shows, im gonna say this: DansonTang, JiroWang and Aaron Yan are awesome.

Is last day of May and im really sure that i've already lost my focus during this period. I ruined my studies, my life. Whatever, Anti social ? I.Dont.Give.A.Damn. Problems, one after another. I had enough . Now i know, i really know what am i to people. Those who care they do, those who dont, leave me alone. I know what i really need now. I dont care what will be the next problem coming up but im prepared for the worse. Yah, life is unpredictable. So depressing when i got my results. I need to buck up during june. I cant let problems to distract me anymore. True enough, when im troubled by problems, depressed by it, i cant do anything. All my mind was flooded by it. Now, i dont want to get my report book. I really dont want to. Last day of may, new start of June. I need to make a better start. Dear problems, Mind giving me a break till Olevel? I cant handle it anymore. I've been undergoing FUCKING MUCH PROBLEMS for 1,2,3,4,5 weeks? Is painful. I need a life of my own :( Anyway...

This term, my exams will not do well im pretty sure. /: I cant deny i've so much things to say yet i dont know where to start. All i know was, im afraid, im just too scared. I wish life hasnt been so sophiscated at times and i didnt wanna blame life, fate. Because, im sure out there , there are more people having worse situation than i do. And this keeps me inspired and be strong till now regardless of any circumstances. Till now, every single day. I have to admit, i didnt have any courage or maybe i lost it.. I hope things will go back to how it was - Night calls, texts, disturb and how much you once care.. Despite all these, i will wanna tell you these even though you may not see this: I want to be your eyes when you're blind, I want to be your ears when you're deaf, I want to be your bones when you cant move, I want to be the one you run to when you need someone, i want to be the one you see everytime you open your eyes, i want to be the one to go through obstacles with ...

I think this whole weekend is so unproductive but at least i studied alittle. Sunday, tuition and i guess is fun with Eika and Cheryl after tuition ! yesterday study with WL and Zb. Not that bad, manage to do some work before i got home. And saturday was the best day in the month I guess . After so much ups and downs , I finally had a chillout . My mother , my pillar (L) I met baby as well ! Then mummy , karine , baby and others were at VS till late then baby sent me back . Love him much ! :D The whole april is a disaster but I made it through :) I really love all the ones who had been there for me and care for me . And those who make me laugh whenever I'm down ! :) Now, i'm still standing firm and strong because everything i been through just make me stronger.\\ And rubbish, i think because of the starbucks and Pastry yesterday, i feeling quite sick. I shall not eat those anymore. Now i hope i would not fall sick ! :(

Sometimes is so funny when someone you expect to actually go through and pull you up when you fall but instead , they just let you be as though you're nothing . Thanks Dawn for meeting me .. Really , thanks a lot . And martin who got so worried .. And I think I don't wanna say more here so bye .

LOOK AT YOUR REFELCTION = ANSWER WHORE. MAY KARMA FALL .

I cant believe what you actually said, girl.. I dont hate you, im just disappointed. Somehow, i think is so immature. For all this while, i cant believe my eyes and ears.. I've so much to say and i dontknow who to confide beside myself. Even there is, the person probably didnt remember that i want to say. I think i dump alot things in my private blog becaue i seriously dont know how to open my mouth and pour my feeings, is weird. Those who feel me, they will know how i feel but those couldnt feel me, they never will. I cant believe i broke down in school either.. Weird isnt it? I just didnt like April at all.. 我想要说得实在太多了. Study programme on thursday.